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I stayed with my first serious boyfriend for seven years.
When we broke up and I entered the NYC dating carousel, I was 30 and had no idea what I was doing.
However, I was In addition to checking the "no kids" box on dating sites, I would clearly bring up my childfree decision sometime in the first few dates. Condoms have kept me baby-free my entire sexually active life. When used perfectly, as I have always done, they are very effective against pregnancy and STIs.
But they do require that the man not them in the middle of sex, which both of these guys did, not letting me know that they were doing it (and even worse, lying when I asked if the condom was still on).
At first it seemed like an accident, or some kind of miscommunication (like many women, I blamed myself for the confusion first) and then you realize, when you are on your way to the pharmacy for Plan B—again—it's not.
We also believe that being Childfree is beautiful, we believe that we are not selfish, we are actually helping the world in many other ways.
We believe that there are enough people on this planet or that parenthood is just not for us, and finally, we need a place to find and support each other.
My suspicions were confirmed when they asked me later with hopeful (as in, not worried) eyes if I could be pregnant. And then I met a guy at a friend's birthday party in Brooklyn.
In 1972, Gloria Steinem said, "We're just talking wombs," a quote that I had always thought was hyperbolic. I gave up online dating, the lure of which was that you could put out there what you really wanted—or didn't want—and you could find a match on at least your most basic values (like not wanting children). Handsome in just the way I find men attractive—tall, slim, brilliant, and incredibly sensitive—he was, even on our first date, too good to be true.